The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Cheese. #Louis

...could have sworn I had some cheese in here... #argh

 

 

#Louis 

I have been searching for the cheese for three fucking days now.

(Or maybe even a week.)

That is almost unbelievable considering that I bought the sausages and the turkey, (leftovers in plastic tub), only yesterday. One has to admit, it ain't exactly overcrowded in there.

I went to do cheeseburgers, and literally tore that fridge apart looking for cheese slices. I thought I was going mad--and yet there are two slices gone that I must have used several days ago. Fuck, of course I bought cheese slices—it's just that some psychopath snuck in and stole them, right?

I am lucky not to have been murdered and raped in my own bed, ladies and gentlemen.

That is how blind I am. Fuck. It’s not like I didn’t read the flyers. It’s not that I didn’t have plans for that package of no-name, store-brand cheese slices. I'm so deaf I wouldn't even get the half of it, assuming some sort of nocturnal intruder, some sort of cheese-thieving incubus, or do I mean succubus...be that as it may.

I literally searched the freezer, the crisper bins...etc.

#unbelievable

It's enough to make you slightly paranoid. I live on the third floor, but we have all seen one too many Spiderman films.

Right???

Spiders like cheese, trust me on that one.

Yeah, it is kind of worrying…

 ***

This is the beginning of the long, slow decline into cognitive dysphoria, ladies and gentlemen. But that fucking cheese had been in what is essentially a pretty empty little fridge, (for essentially a week now) and I still couldn't find it.

You lay awake at night, pondering the fact that you took out the kitchen garbage and so you can't be rummaging around in there looking for grocer's receipts from a week past.

And yet, deep down inside, you honestly feel that you could almost prove that you bought cheese.

...and yes, you are convinced that you bought cheese.

This is what happens when you can't afford light bulbs...

Leftover turkey and mashed potatoes in the plastic tubs. - ed.

The fact that I was right, and that I did, in fact, purchase cheese, and that I did, in fact possess cheese in my refrigerator, and even though, etc, etc, well, it really isn’t much comfort.

That is especially true, considering that I searched the kitchen cupboards, under the bathroom sink, the medicine cabinet...that speaks to the state of mind, or something. I mentally retraced all of my footsteps, trying to figure out if I dropped it in the shopping centre parking lot, and all of that sort of thing...

But it really was a mystery.

Anyhow, I lifted up the sausages, for whatever reason, and there was the cheese; #mystery_solved as they say.

Also.

...I wonder what else might be in there, stuff that I just can't see, ah, ladies and gentlemen.

#argh

 

 

 

END

 

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