Like An Idiot, I Forgot the Mushrooms: Scythian or Meat Lovers Pizza. #Louis

 

There it is, with tomato sauce and flour worked out onto the crust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like an idiot, I forgot the mushrooms.

The story of my life, as they say...that being said, nothing beats home-made pizza on a cold winter's day.

It’s okay, ladies and gentlemen, I did, on some kind of an impulse, pick up the makings for a #Scythian pizza, which is a kind of meat-lovers pizza only I call it Scythian.

The chef gets to name it after all, and plenty of people have a 'Meat-Lovers Pizza'.

Right???

We will put mushrooms on the list for tomorrow, along with ketchup, mustard and possibly relish. We’ve been forgetting that for a long time now, also light bulbs and paper towels and scrubbing pads and waxed paper and sandwich bags. Which, admittedly, doesn't have much to do with pizza, but it does have something to do with bachelor survival and home economics and just trying to stay ahead of the game on some level.

Truth is, we could really use a pack of Swiffer pads around here. And that's just a fact.

Fritz is away, incidentally, thank you for asking...

Be that as it may.

All of this is due to some sort of #mental_health_addictions as there is no way in hell, not in this province or in this media landscape, could it ever be put down to #poverty of the good, old-fashioned kind, that is to say, the kind that breeds #virtue rather than #crime. That, as they say, is a story for another day. I had the cash, in other words. I simply forgot.

Onion, pepper and olives so far...

***

Okay. This pizza uses ten ounces of #superdough, or less than a buck, fact is, I get it for free. I made this fresh this morning at our little shop in the wilds of Plympton-Wyoming.

This dough was never frozen, and I roll that out on a small handful of flour. We use a large spoon, perhaps two or three tablespoons of sauce, rolling out to the edge of our dough once it has been laid and shaped into a 12-inch pan sprayed with non-stick cooking spray…we put a gob of sauce in the middle, and tilting the pan this way and that, use the belly of the spoon to just push that around there for a while.

The oven was preheated to roughly 450 F, and I pulled this pizza out at the nine-minute mark. The crust was soft, golden and chewy, not hard and crusty—you can see by the colour; in fact I lifted one edge with a knife just to get a look, and it looked like it would hang together well enough, and at that point, I decided it was time. Disclaimer: this is a different oven from last time, seeing as how I claimed 500 F and ten and a half minutes in the previous story. The landlord had replaced an old stove, and the one big burner didn't work, so a month later they brought me another good, used stove. That probably accounts for the difference.

I use regular old tomato sauce, and I get about four 12-inch pizzas from a bag of pepperoni, a bag of shredded cheese, or even the little Buddig pouch of Black Forest Ham, which I have rolled up into a tube of three slices, and then cut them off into strips and curlicues, which you may see in the images.

Ah, this particular pizza has green pepper, as I picked up a small one this morning on the way home from work, surprisingly enough, at #superdough. We chopped onion, we cleaned up the green pepper in the usual fashion.

 

All set to pop in the oven.

I have never tried the sausage product before, although we did try the pizza-type bacon product, perhaps that shows up in a previous blog post.

For this particular pizza, I smashed up a bit of yellow onion, and sliced, as thinly as possible, about six of the cocktail olives, stuffed with pimento. I sprinkle a bit of dried parsley flakes on there, the most cautious and judicious shake of oregano, and of course I twist a bit of black pepper out of the grinder.

We like our beer. Any idiot can see that…

#Louis

 

END

 

(Where's #fritz??? - ed.)

(How the fuck would I know??? #Louis I thought you might have some idea.)

(I go back to Switzerland by minisub, once or twice a year, as both of you #dingbats really ought to know by now. #fritz )

 

#fritz is our Swiss-born, Cordon-Bleu chef. We adopted him as a very small boy and he sleeps in the broom closet. His mother lives in Switzerland.

 

Louis Shalako has published Speak Softly My Love, an audiobook, it is available from iTunes.

 

See his drawings on ArtPal.

Roughly nine minutes, 450 F.

Check out A Stranger In Paris, An Inspector Gilles Maintenon Mystery #9 in the online serial. Links to previous chapters included at the bottom.

 

Thank you for reading.

Note: I forgot to put a #beer in the picture.

 

#sorries 

See ya, losers. #fritz