The Classic Tuna Salad Sandwich. #fritz

...image stolen from some nice lady.

 

#fritz

Today (a couple of days ago. - ed.) I made a special point of picking up a $1.00 tin of tuna in water at Dollarama. I was in the store.

I had eight bucks or so, and I was picking up a couple of cans of cheap cat food for the stray and feral cats of Plympton-Wyoming, and of course while I’m there I always grab a pepperoni stick or two, that would be for the feral humans of Sarnia-Lambton, i.e., myself included. I suppose I just needed an excuse. It's a happening, man.

Groovy.

Yeah, so, the other day I was bored or something. Hungry, too. I drained a tin of tuna. I chopped up a tablespoon or so of onion. I finely-chopped celery, roughly the same amount. I chopped up a bit of sweet red pepper, and then, in a fit of inspiration, (maybe even passion. - ed.) I scooped in a forkful of pickle relish. Another three or so forkfuls of cheap-ass mayo, a quick stir in the usual plastic tub, (three for a buck and a quarter or so) from the same store.

The buns are about three bucks for eight buns. I prefer the artisanal buns from Maple City Bakery, failing that, I bake up a loaf of fresh #superdough bread and toast that up.

One dollar.

You can also do melted cheese, in my opinion, toast your buns or your bread. Melt the cheese on the bread, in the microwave, and then spread your tuna salad. I prefer the salad cold, even when the bread is hot, but then, I am a maze of contradictions…as are we all.

You want the lettuce and the tomato cold as well. That seems logical enough...

Romaine lettuce is the best, I like the dark green leaves. Funny thing is, we rinse Romaine lettuce, and yet no one ever does that with iceberg lettuce. It’s just one of those things that we can't talk about because nobody knows the answer.

I like a nice, firm tomato, and a nice, sharp knife. It just makes it a lot easier to slice, very, very thin, and after that all one needs is a good crunch of freshly-ground black peppercorns and a whiff of salt, which as everyone knows isn’t very good for you but we can hardly live without it.

Just to make sure that it wasn't a total fluke, I did the same thing again today. On fresh buns, I got two sandwiches and there is still a bit left in the tub. Not quite enough for another sandwich, but this is why they make Ritz crackers after all.

 

END

 

Images: likely stolen.

See the Louis Shalako blog here.

Yeah, poor old Louis has books and stories on Amazon. 

Louis also has art on ArtPal.

Thank you for reading.