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| Scorch it, Baby. |
#Louis
Steak and onions. I start with a chunk of butter in the pan, some large chunks of white onion, and a few slivers of red pepper. A splash of beer, a generous handful of black pepper. Slow-cook that a while until the onions soften up. A tin of Bush's beans, original recipe, $1.99 in the flyer. That's good for about three servings for a single old feller.
I got the large tub of potato salad for $3.99 on promotion from Food Basics. The tomatoes on the vine were on sale today, and that pretty much sums it up, other than the cheap #beer
Oh, yeah, after a while you want to turn up the heat and scorch the steak just a bit. Right about the same time you want to turn down the beans.
***
Write what you know, they say.
Who in the hell would want to read a very big book full of very blank
pages...
I'm just some scruffy old bachelor.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know a single, God-damned thing, pretty much all of the time.
I don’t even really know how to cook, I just get lucky sometimes—
Yeah, so my little table-top grill has bit the dust, they’re just cheap
shit anyways, and the landlord also hates people with barbecues on the balcony.
This is a real bad time in history, to attract any sort of negative attention
from the landlord, so pan steak it is. Otherwise, it’s the broiler in the
oven—not so good in the warm weather, but there you have it.
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| The prices are faekin' ludicrous, lads and lasses. |
I saved $11.99 on $35.55 worth of groceries, which shows just how
ludicrous prices are to begin with. I have five tins of tuna in the vehicle for
the feral cats of Plympton-Wyoming. At a dollar a tin, it beats the hell out of
tinned cat food at the gas bar for $2.00/tin. I can get shitty bacon at Giant
Tiger for $2.47, the Schneider's is a superior product. These are the thick
cheese slices, but I can tear them in half for small cheeseburgers, and the
cats will get a few of them as well...there's at least two meals of steak, two
to three of bacon and eggs, one chili...I do like the occasional tuna sandwich. The chips, the chocolate bar, self-explanatory. One would hope.
Just to clarify the math, we're not subtracting eleven dollars in so-called savings, from thirty-five. The thing is, we add it on and it comes out to a clearly, very ludicrous, forty-six fucking dollars. Just let that sink in for a minute, perhaps gazing in stupefication at the photo...
I just cringe when I see someone with a grocery cart absolutely heaping with crap. I don't know how they do it. Six hundred dollars, a family of four, one week, holy schmoley, no wonder they don't want to carry the cash around with them. Better off to use the overdraft...
Fuck.
The best potato salad is, of course,
the potato salad that you don’t have to make yourself. Normally, I prefer the
potato salad with egg, but this stuff is fine at the promotional price of $3.99
for an 800-gram tub. And you know how I love my little plastic tubs, which we
can use for all sorts of things, including leftovers.
History. We’re making history here, ladies and
gentlemen, and someday, history will be just another tired old ghost, blowing
in the wind. I don’t know why I say that, but in the meantime, a man’s got to
eat, after all—
...and I have always wanted to say that.
If I was to give one good piece of advice to young people
today, it would be, stand up straight (for crying out loud), look me in the eye when you're talking to me, and read the fucking
grocery flyers once in a while. Some of you guys are forty years old and your
mother is still packing a lunch for you, and that’s just the truth…okay, that's two or three pieces of advice, but you know what I mean.
It's good advice, if you can take it.
END
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| Trust me, I know what I'm talking about... |
Poor old Louis Shalako has books and stories available from Google Play.
Check out this other story here on bringer of rain.
Thank you for reading.
